*Guilty Conscience*

I stood there, away from her. Watching her talked and laughed. I could not stop the sense of guilt came rushing and filling my heart,my stomach cramped; spreading to my lungs...almost suffocating me....I took in a deep sharp breath, trying to ease the uncomfortable feeling locked inside my heart and apparently it did not work. Guilty conscience-its all i could feel. Looking into her eyes now took my courages and strength.

It will never be the same again,never...

It was all my fault, purely. If it was not me, she will be fine... It was me who brought nothing but this misery to her.... I'm the only one to be blamed, I put myself at fault. I sighed deeply.

She told me it was not my fault and things which meant to erase the sense of guilt. I knew that more or less she would somehow blamed me for that incident. Well, the damage is done.......nothing could be done now.

There is no turning back..... I doubt whether things could be same again, like always.

I tilted my head and saw her walking towards me. I caught a glimpse of her eyes and swore i saw something in there.....disappointment? hurt? hatred? I do not wish to reveal. Swallowing hard, I plastered a smile on my face. She smiled back. My stomach cramped again, with guilt and regrets. I shook my head slightly, trying to get rid of this feeling, at least temporarily.
Maybe, if she put the blame on me, I would feel better. I would rather let her yell at my face for bringing her into this than smiling to me......

She treated me so well and yet what have i done to her? I dont deserve this. I dont deserve everything she had done for and to me, I dont.

Its too late to apologize......

Stealing a quick glance at her before she left, i made a mental note- be independant, no more troubles for her.

Perphaps, the best way is to keep a distance from her, for her afterall. I do not know...or just do not want to know..............

Ja Ne~