*confused*

I'm confused.
That second could be so good, and the next second could be so heart brokening. Perphaps there's some miscommunication, perphaps i was so hated that i have to receive such treatment. Well, as long the first party feels good with it, i have to be fine with it.

Learned

I learned this is not everything. In fact, nothing is everything.

I learned promises can be made easily and be broken easily. In fact, breaking a promise is so much easier than making a promise.

I learned what is it today will not be the same tomorrow. In fact, what is it now will be different in the next second.

I learned caring too much for someone is another way of annoying someone. In fact, simple gesture of care could annoy someone so much.

I learned three potassium ions pumped in and 2 sodium ions pumped out. Membrane of axon is more permeable to potassium ions so it diffuse out. Making the axon more negative. This is resting potential......


Ja Ne~

*Mental note*

sigh...was just saying out what i think..my personal opinion,my view,my thoughts,my ways..it does not involve anyone in it,its about me,about how i do this and that..
Learnt my lesson, choose my word carefully that is.=)

*Thoughts*

It's time to face it...
face the fact...
face the reality...
face what you are meant to meet...
face the truth...

the world don't evolve around you,
you are not the center of everything,
you don't expect people around you to see things as what you see,

sometimes,
you think the one closest to you understand you,
maybe they are not,
not at all.

when someone wish to spend their time,
they will be there for you,
when they do not wish to do so,
they are gone...

By the way, a notes for me, mutation between us is occurring.

*null*

Feels so....argggh dont know how to describe that feeling...

why......why it ended up like this??

what did i do??.........

*Frustrations*

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!!!!!

this has to be put to a STOP.......

I have wasted so much energy on THIS and I'm tired!!!

Its not WORTH it okay!!!!

Its so obvious and NOTHING'S gonna change it


WHAT AM I THINKING I AM???

*Nerd Alert*

OH MY GOD!!!!!! Recently I found myself having high affinity towards nerds. Gosh what happened to me??

NERD WARNING : HUAhahahHAhaha..ahem...stop it =.=

*More Title-less*

Aha! Finally, get my hair cut. Now that's more like it. I looked more tidy now and believe it or not, my head seems lighter now =D. Hmmph! I spent an almost one hour and made four trips to the saloon. Iish, I dont understand why those nerd students wanted to get their hair cut so eagerly. Its not like there was a discount or something. So like to cut, cut yourself la. Walau eh go there dont need petrol ar. My hair made me hot ka beh die liao ko want me made four trips to the saloon.

Argggh I'm so warm now (Mr.Sim said cannot use 'hot'=P). That haze thing is stil out there. And you know what, one of my neighbours which I consider them as inconsiderate people, they are still burning joss sticks outside their house. Not that kind of little joss sticks, its the BIG one. You know, the really huge one that burns for hours and hours? Yea, that's it. Walau eh, weather so hot liao stil burn. You want make people die ar. Bo die also half die la. Burning one BIG joss stick is still acceptable, but HELLO, twelve BIG joss sticks? That's way out of the mind. The heat produced from the burning joss sticks together with the heat trapped in the atmosphere by the haze is unbearable-.-.
There's nothing wrong praying, really. However, you pray to the Gods for some good karma or whatever they named it, but you make people sick at the same time (Include me! and little kids staying near your house). I'm sure the Gods wont be pleased to see this. I think as long you uuh sim, that's what counted.*Am I blamming that neighbour just because my body system is weak enough that it cant fight pathogens and make me sick?=.=*
Oh well anyway, I think someone told the family off and they din burn the joss stick today ='D. But stil, the effects are lasting, thats why I feel warm now. Hopefully tomorrow will be better since they stopped burning joss sticks today, BIG joss sticks I mean.
ARGGHHH juak ka beh si liao laaaaaa!!!I breathe out eh air also hot eh!!!
I guess I will just take a long leisurely shower now.


Ja Ne~

*Another Title-less*

The sun shone gently on the earth, birds chirped merrily on the branch. My phone alarm rang, slowly, I rose from the bed. Rubbing sleepiness off my eyes, I walked to my window. Ahhh..perfect weather. I smiled to myself as I saw .............

Woi, cut it off=.=

Anyway, as what I posted yesterday, that present wrapping thing.......I haven wrap it yet =.=...my bro is out to college so I should have all the time in the world to wrap the presents and now, I's writting blog here.WTH?! I cant be that lazy, can I?....whatever.

By the way, I want to get my hair cut today. Its been the third time i went to the saloon and its stil crowded with people, mostly students. WTH la!! school holiday stil want to get their hair cut. Holiday means we dont have to attend school lessons and why the hell they go to the saloon and get their hair cut???!! At least wait till Saturday or Sunday lah, now's only Wednesday.Hmmph!! Cut cut cut, duno why so like to cut=.=

Oh well, going to try my luck for the forth time.


Ja Ne~

*Title-less*

Sienz...they all went to Langkawi today. My msn contact list in this morning who onlined was like about 4 or 5 people only. Well I always feel more secure if I have lots of people online in my contack list, sounds weird huh...=/

Anyway, tomorrow is my bro's bday =D. Bought him presents!! My friends all say the presents are too expensive but I dont think so =.=. Speaking of presents.... oh gosh, I haven wrap the presents yet!! Just dumped them in my cupboard after I came back from Queensbay yesterday-.-.
Bought him face care products from the Bodyshop =). Hope he will like it.

Nothing happens today...I mean nothing happens today. NOT nothing SPEACIAL happnes today. I would rather something happens today which is not special...=.=

................
.........

What a dull blog I produced today.....just feel bored after doing some math.. Oh well, I guess I just get back to my math again.
Before that,WRAP THE PRESENTS!!!


Ja Ne~

*Am I?*

Am I having problem in making decisions? No,of course. Yes,definitely.No,of course. Yes,definitely.No,of course. Yes,definitely.No,of course. Yes,definitely.

Am I acting overly sensitive? Yes you are. No,you're not. Yes you are. No,you're not. Yes you are. No,you're not. Yes you are. No,you're not.

Am I laughing? Of course you are. Hell no. Of course you are. Hell no. Of course you are. Hell no. Of course you are. Hell no.

Am I crying? No,I'm not. Yes, you are.No,I'm not. Yes, you are.No,I'm not. Yes, you are.No,I'm not. Yes, you are.No,I'm not. Yes, you are.

Am I going to sleep? who cares.....=.=
...........
sigh....
why it has to be in this way....?


Ja Ne~

*Fatalistic*

Perphaps one day everything will change...LOL!! what am I saying? Changes are what everything need to experience, its just a matter of time. Time would show us everything, everything that had changed.
If something,concrict or abstract, experience changes slowly,slow enough not to let you realize. One day, when you look back, and found that it had changed tremandously. What can you do? Scary huh.

Once, I was naive enough to believe that things wont change. It will stay just the way they are, the way it should be, apparently I was terribly wrong. Wrong enough to hurt myself deep.....

Its been so long......

Then, I thought as long I hold tight on it, I can at least follow right behind the changes. Once again, I was wrong. Again, wrong enough to hurt myself even deeper. It hurt more when you witness the changes.....

I gave up......

I should have see it coming, but I chose to ignore believing it that it would stay just the way they are,they way they should....well,fate decide everything and we have no control over it.

I dont believe in destiny, I believe in fate.........

Ja Ne~

*Off Day of Another*

*This is the exactly same text I copy from my phones LifeBlog..sorry for some grammar mistakes..wrote it there and then*

So tired now..exhausted..de car broke down wif steam coming out from de front boot n green fluid leaking out..gross..i kinda worry that the car might explode..i quickly run out of the car n grab my mobile phone behind the car seat..then i realize my phone is out of credit..urgh..what a day.. I stand at the roadside then an idea hit my mind..borrow phones from the motorist! luckily a kind middle-aged man agree to borrow me his mobile phone..i call my bro for help and he says he is coming..i thank the generous man sincerely and he left. While i was waiting for my bro..a muscular man stops nearby and offers help to me..he wants to help me to push my car aside..i reluctantly accept it..then that man asks me whether he can check what's wrong with my car..but i refuse.. I thanks him whole heartedly and he left.. I wait for about half and hour and received call from my bro saying that he just reached our machanic's place and i was like right..another quarter hour to go.....
*end LifeBlog*

So what happened next?
Well...nothing much..not a big deal..is just that 3 vehicles met accident because of me....a motorist was busy looking at my car and he crashed into a white proton wira, right after one second or two, another motor came crashing into the motorist and the white proton wira..worsening the accident......the bumper was like broke into two pieces and I could see clear cleavage on the car boot. The first motorist hurt his legs and arms and the second motorist hurt his legs... Then I saw the three victims looked at me suddenly and i quickly turned away fearing that they may put the blame on me.....
finally my bro and the machanic came and I rushed home for my chem tuition.
thats all.....

Ja Ne~

*Foul-up*

I met an accident today and I was in the wrong side. I hit a Honda Jazz with my old Tiara..(well luckily its not new). The whole incident was my fault and Im truly deeply sorry and will be more aware next time plus the rest of my life time. After having a long thought, here's some of my mistakes done:
1) Wrong assumptions
»thinking that its green light and the vehicle is supposed to start moving
2) Do not aware that its a slope we are talking about
»why the hell I dont slam the brake faster?
3) Underestimate the power of tiredness
4) Mind wander elsewhere for one second or more
5) Accelarate too fast
6) Driving too fast in a road that I dont familier with

Yep. My mistakes. If I left out any mistakes, please kindly tell me =)
I would like to thanks all of my friends who were there with me during that incident. Here, I would like to express my graditude to you guys. Thanks for being there with me. You guys really helped me alot espeacially mentally. You guys spent almost 2 hours in that accident spot while my brother negotiated with the owner of the car. I really feel pai sei and really really appreciate all of you. Being there with me provided mental supports for me.By the way, Its not like I want to compare anything but Juey really helped me lots today. In one word, she helped me in everyway. WKYN=)

My vow:
DRIVE MORE CAREFULLY AND MIND DO NOT WANDER ELSEWHERE

Ja Ne~

*Alexander the Fifth*

*Sigh*...yes I've done it..but there was no sign of satisfication or joy in my heart. I've been waiting for the day to come and POOF...its over now. Well, if I had a choice I swear I would do no such thing.

...........

......

I gazed at him, yes, a him, breathing in deeply I told myself ''this is it, do it whether you like it or not''..... I held him, it was stil warm,comfortably warm... Sense of guilt hit me waves after waves. I swallowed hard. And so it began.........

................

........

.....

Five hours later, I patted his head lightly...rest in peace my little one.......I'll miss you.

Miss you...


Feelings, towards him....developed unconsiously in that five hours time..*sigh* I told myself he's dead but still, I dont feel like parting with him...perphaps a bond is formed between us...nawh. Thats quite impossible, what am i thinking? Well, it was his fate and I'm fated to do the job...nothing could change it.....

I looked at him fondly one last time before turned away...farewell my Alexander the Fifth........


Ja Ne~

*Frustrations*

What the??!! LOL!! I know im stupid but like below 50%?? Gosh...speechless. Oh well, nevermind..at least im smarter than 40% of others =P~~ Hmmm 151 of IQ..wonder its good or bad=\

Ahhh!!~Its been so long since I sign in Blogger..-.- then i finally decided some update must be done somehow and yep,im here...........(<.< *what??!!..lost in words......) Seriously, I got nothing to write =\..
Okay FINE!!!
Here's a message for YOU: Dont mess with me or i'll giv u a piece of my mind..so stay away from me!!Dont you ever feel tired saying those pointless empty sentences which contribute nothing but a waste of time listening to it? Its not like you cant say anything nice...its just..arghh..if u meant to say something to make other laugh, at least think before you open your mouth..They say anyone has sense of humour...i doubt it now... What you yourself think is funny, other might not think so. Your ridiculous sentences are testing my patience each day and getting steps closer to the limit.
Ooh and, please dont tell me or her and another her anything about your pathetic 'plans'. I or We have no interest in it. Tell it to other who cares... And and, I just cant believe you could have negative feelings towards that 'nice girl'. You did'nt say it out but we all know you ''bs''(=P) her. Hmmph!!
Okay...much much better~...
Im good =D


Ja Ne~

Tummy Yummy......Or Not

Booya~
After taking advice from the president of the counsellor of my school =P who happened to sit beside me, i realised that some content I wrote in mt previous blog may cause emotional disturbance to someone who is close to me =). Well, i would like to ''eat'' back what I said previously and never mention anything about the incident anymore if it would make you happy. Better now? =)

Btw, my tummy hurts =(..I think I have taken something that does'nt agree with me..... hmmm..what did i ate yesterday? Well...Hokkien mee for lunch..extra spicy curry and bread for tea.. dinner at Gor Tiao Lor, ordered malamian (FYI,it cost only rm4!!! Two huge prawn for you!! *warning* don't, I say don't, ever keep a prawn in your mouth......unless you want to know how is it like to keep a finger in your mouth...this is serious...). The next morning,which is today, took roti canai with curry poured all over on it for breakfast. Did i mention i ate curry mee for supper yesterday night?
I wonder how is my stomach's condition right now...no, I don't wanna know... Aiks...what i 'took in' yesterday, the consequences will be 'channeled out' today...or tomorrow.....

*Guilty Conscience*

I stood there, away from her. Watching her talked and laughed. I could not stop the sense of guilt came rushing and filling my heart,my stomach cramped; spreading to my lungs...almost suffocating me....I took in a deep sharp breath, trying to ease the uncomfortable feeling locked inside my heart and apparently it did not work. Guilty conscience-its all i could feel. Looking into her eyes now took my courages and strength.

It will never be the same again,never...

It was all my fault, purely. If it was not me, she will be fine... It was me who brought nothing but this misery to her.... I'm the only one to be blamed, I put myself at fault. I sighed deeply.

She told me it was not my fault and things which meant to erase the sense of guilt. I knew that more or less she would somehow blamed me for that incident. Well, the damage is done.......nothing could be done now.

There is no turning back..... I doubt whether things could be same again, like always.

I tilted my head and saw her walking towards me. I caught a glimpse of her eyes and swore i saw something in there.....disappointment? hurt? hatred? I do not wish to reveal. Swallowing hard, I plastered a smile on my face. She smiled back. My stomach cramped again, with guilt and regrets. I shook my head slightly, trying to get rid of this feeling, at least temporarily.
Maybe, if she put the blame on me, I would feel better. I would rather let her yell at my face for bringing her into this than smiling to me......

She treated me so well and yet what have i done to her? I dont deserve this. I dont deserve everything she had done for and to me, I dont.

Its too late to apologize......

Stealing a quick glance at her before she left, i made a mental note- be independant, no more troubles for her.

Perphaps, the best way is to keep a distance from her, for her afterall. I do not know...or just do not want to know..............

Ja Ne~

*Understanding*

I know your prowess and here i declare that I do not have any intention to win you or whatever it is.... You are so *censored*...*censored*

It hurts when you said something like that to me,do you realise that?perphaps not...I dont blame you. But please do not expect i could cope up exactly what you have about your prowess.
Please...be more understanding would you?
I have just achieved a little success and am trying to improve myself...how could you jz break my confidence like pulverizing an ant on the ground?
Im sick of you telling me what to do
Im sick of you looking down on me
Im sick of......

DAMN IT!!!!


Ja Ne~

*Silence Pain*

I lied on the bed, staring at the ceiling blankly. Could'nt bother to blink my eyes. My mind echoeing what she said to me. I thought we were friends, one of my best of friends........
.................
.........
....
I closed my eyes, allowing my mind rushing through all the memories we had together, all the things we shared, bitter or sweet. I woke up and leaned lightly against the window spotting two little kids playing happily, reflecting what we used to be. My lips curled into a smile. We used to be like that together, everytime together.....always. Who knows time would change a person in such a drastic manner? She had her new friends and I have been shoved aside. Whenever I'm with her, i will just be a shadow or sometimes I'm invisible. It took me long enough to realize that there is distance between us with an invisible wall parting it......
Its dusk now. The evening sky was beautiful painted in golden orange colour. The sun shone gently on the land producing a perfectly warming scenery. Breathing in the sweet scent of the breeze deeply, somehow it soothed me. I felt better.
I know words are sharper than weapons, but i never tasted it until then. Who knows a few sentences hurt so much? It was like a blunt weapon stabbing right into my heart, giving a slow torturous throbbing pain. It had left a scar there, marking it as disappointment.......betrayal. I trusted her too much, believing her that she would never hurt me, physically or emotionally. And yet, she hurt my feelings. My mind flashed to the moment, when she smiled at me curtly while spitting out those hurtfull sentences. I was not sure she did it intentionally or unintentionaly but the damage is done...... Nothing could change it.
I heard giggles. My eyes rested on the two little kids. They waved at me, i nodded and smiled lightly. If our friendship was as pure as theirs, I thought.
I looked up to the sky again, taking one last view of the scenery before I get back to my work. I know, everything will never be the same again,never.....
.............
......
..
I forgive but not forget......


Ja Ne~

* A New Year, A New Hope, A New Life *

Ooohhhhh!!!! Its school time again..Weeeeeee =)
STPM here I come!!!(growl*)LOL!!
..............
........
...=.=

Haih... This year i remained in the same class with Kim,Angela,Suan eng ( pity me...... =P) and soo peng them. Aiks..Juey's not same class with me anymore and im kinda like cant get used to it <,< ( Note* no side thinking please=.= tired of u guys' babbling). You know, absence do really make heart grew fonder. Last year i never appreciate the existance of Juey (come hit me la noob =P) and now.....i mean, HELLO, things change. I cant laugh like i did last year, those ROFL and LOL. I mean, she always laugh with me and it did not look silly when two people doing it. And imagine, you laugh like hell there alone and im sure everybody will like >.> you.. Its like ''MuahahHAHAhahaha...ahemmmmm (cough*) hemmm...hmmm... then -_-''' ''
Aiks...she always used to do stuff for me and im kinda getting dependent on her ( you know what =Pwant me to list out?)and now i have no one to help me =( *sob,sob*. I think i really relied on her..way too relied on her.... Dont want to admit it but kinda miss her......
Argghhh...and You-Know-Who is so annoyingly annoying and its getting on my nerve each day (duhh..its only 3 days...) YEA 3 DAYS and it is already tiring. Gosh how am i goin to carry myself for the rest of the year???.. sigh..pity myself. Damnit Juey, you're in other class now and i have to bear all the unwanted-disgusting-nonsense thingy from You-Know-Who.
Well, my class is quite fine but it seems its seperated into groups -_- not that united as last year's =/. Maybe things will get better soon. Ms Wee said a class with students who are cooperative often do better during exam and i strongly believe it =). Ooh and, Aung Swee Peng teaches us Chemistry and im glad that she is my form teacher again =D. She's such a nice teacher. And of course i missed my last year's math teacher :(, was hoping that she would teach me again..oh well...what is mine is mine. Destiny.....<.<

*Breathe in deeply*
Okay, in this new year i have to work harder and must not let HER look down on me. Hmmph!! no one look down on me unless he/she is taller than me!!!!! =P (all come hit me la...lalala~)<,<
I realise how much i have missed out last year and really have to buckle down to achieve my goal. (ahhh~ doctor~im waiting....know what i mean? LOL!!!) *chuckle*
........................
.............
....
what??!!


Ja Ne~